I am feeling an urge to attend church. The urge is a little vague so I want to push on it.
I like having a structure of going somewhere each week and receiving messages about how to live a good life. I want the messages to be part of a liturgical calendar that is varied and seasonal, and maybe even to current events. I want the messages to be linked to the rich imagery and allegories of the Bible, which has spoken to humans for 2000 years. Other sacred texts would be ok, too. But the messages need to be linked to my life today, not historical or theoretical. Does this mean I want to hear about the pastor’s divorce? Hmmm. Well, maybe, if it leads to a message about how we have to trust God in times of darkness, and that we have very little control over how our life unfolds. Do I want someone using the Bible as a cudgel for hate, pulling out abstruse Old Testament passages about abortion or homosexuality. No.
I like having music that reaffirms living a good life. The music needs to be decent, and should include instruments. Piano and guitar, oboe and organ, violin…all ok. A bell choir is pushing the edge for me— I can’t quite get past the image of a troop of gray-haired women practicing earnestly for hours, stoically straight, with their white gloves on. The singing must be decent, not painful. The music does not have to be great, but needs to have some decorum, talent, life.
I like being part of an accepting community that is also making a visible commitment to living a good life.
But where do I feel close to God? Not in a building full of humans, no matter how well- intentioned. Not in a structure of organized religion with its organizational blind spots and territory wars.
Maybe it’s time for another Camino.